- Tom Garfield
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Mr. Bliponship was not happy. I figured that out pretty fast. His call came late on a gray, wet Thursday afternoon. I was in the office – unfortunately, ’cause that meant I had to take the call. But that’s my job. I wear a tie and carry a Day-Timer; I’m a P.A., a private administrator. Taking nasty calls or just sweating out long board meetings – it’s what I get paid for.

My secretary, a sweet gal with lots of front office experience behind her, buzzed me and let me know I had a hot one on the line.

“Tom, hang on to your chair, Mr. Bliponship is on line one, and he doesn’t sound happy.”

I thanked her, and my facial muscles uncontrollably twitched as I punched the blinking red light…

“Well hi there, Bob!” I blurted cheerfully. “Getting kind of damp out there, isn’t it? What can I do for you?” I really hoped I could do something for him, rather than have him do something to me.

“Garfield! Don’t give me that happy-go-lucky, you-don’t-suspect-anything’s-wrong attitude! You know what I calling about…you shot at my sister again last night. After all she puts up with each day in her job, and then you go and…and…” he couldn’t continue and sputtered incoherently in his anger.

“…and told the newspaper reporter my opinions of government schools, right?”, I finished helpfully, I hoped.

“Yeah! That’s right! She read that article in the paper last night and called me in tears. What kind of P.A. are you? Didn’t they teach you about shooting off your mouth at innocent bystanders in whatever bubblegum joint you got your license from?”

“Well, Bob, as a matter of fact, the “bubblegum joint” I got most of my administrator training from was the state university here. You know, the university that teaches future “public” school teachers? Anyhow, they didn’t train us to watch where or how we expressed our opinions. I kind of think they didn’t expect us to have any opinions worth expressing. But I am sorry your sister got hurt in the crossfire last night…”

“Oh, sure, that’s easy for you to say! What in the world did you mean by that thing you said…just a minute… yeah, here it is: “… government education in the United States is possibly that last, best holdout of socialistic training in the world. Attempts to “fix” this flawed-from-the-start system are as foolish as it would have been for the U.S. to send money and arms to the old guard Soviet Communists in 1989.” What are you saying there? You calling my sister a commie, just ’cause she teaches in the public schools!?”

The phone was getting warmer in my hand, or maybe it was just the heat emanating from it. “Whoa, Bob. I certainly wasn’t calling your sister a commie. I have relatives teaching in that system, too, and they aren’t commies either. Tell you what, let’s meet for lunch at Eric’s grill tomorrow and we can discuss this more. My treat. What do you say?”

“Well, ok. I’ll meet you there at noon. Don’t bring any backup.” Click.

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