Thanks to David Goodwin and the Ambrose Group for allowing us to post from their booklet, “Discover Classical Christian Education, A Parent’s Essential Guide“. Visit the Ambrose Group website, A non-profit group dedicated to expanding the reach and influence of classical Christian education
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Modern Education

Democratic: Every student should attain the same level of achievement.

Multi-cultural: Critical of our Western cultural roots, strongly emphasizing imperialism, slavery and historic Christianity as “what is wrong with America”.

Naturalistic: Emphasizes math and science at the expense of art, literature, and history.

Secular: Holds the “spiritual” as personal and separate from education. Avoids deeper philosophical values.

Values-Neutral: All moral positions are relative and hence all positions must be equally treated.

Broken into many subjects: By breaking knowledge into pieces, it can be more carefully studied and thus understood.

Teaches facts and functional skills: Students primarily learn about subjects particularly ones that help them “get good jobs.”

Progressive: Always experimenting with new techniques and methods.

Entertainment learning: Entertain students to engage them in the learning process.

Classical Christian Education

Excellence: Take each student to their highest possible potential.

Western: Recognize the great contribution of Western culture to America and the world, including its triumphs and failures while also recognizing the beauty in other cultures.

Universal: Emphasize the humanities, arts and sciences to bring a full perspective

Integrated: Education is necessarily tied to philosophy and religion in order to train thoughtful students.

Idealism: Standards of right and wrong exist in all subject areas. Students are taught to make judgment accordingly.

Integrated Subjects: Subjects should be taught in an integrated way so that students understand the whole as well as the parts.

Teaches Critical Thinking: Students learn to think beyond the subject-matter. Content is not the goal – wisdom is.

Traditional: Hold to educational standards that have a clear record of success.

Engage and Challenge: Students will meet a high standard and enjoy a sense of achievement.

Tom Garfield discusses a Biblical approach to modern “disabilities”, and and their treatment, in this “Dear Parents” article.

Who’s Got The Right Diagnosis? ADD, ADHD, ODD, LIES

“They interrupt…they don’t follow directions. In short, they do what seizes them at the moment without thinking through the consequences.”

“Accept the fact that it is a handicap…don’t expect your child to behave like others.”
(Sandra Doran, on children with “ADHD”; Focus On the Family)

“Even a child is known by his deeds, whether they are pure and right.”

“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.”
(God, on children with sin natures; the Bible, Prov. 20:11, Col. 3:20)

I. History of “Disabilities”:
A.Personal experience:
When I was doing my student teaching at Moscow High School a “few” years ago, as part of my experience I was assigned to regularly teach art to a group of handicapped students. I grew very fond of these students and we had an all too short time together. We were able to complete the painting of a pretty nifty wall-mural, though. Among these students were kids in wheelchairs, kids with Down’s Syndrome, and others with a variety of mental and physical problems. However, they had at least a couple of things in common; one was they all had medically provable disabilities, the second was that they all had a generally cheerful and compliant spirit. I had few discipline problems with them, after the class rules were made clear.

B. General history – handicaps were medically identifiable, treated as such, then mainstreaming, growing demand for “equal education” coupled with increasingly poor education = Learning Disabilities growth of special ed, follow the money!
In the years since the days of real handicaps there has been a flood of previously undetected “disabilities” diagnosed. It reminds one of FDR’s “alphabet soup” of programs to fix the economy during the Depression. Considering his legacy, the comparison is not a bad fit.

C. Definitions: LD, ADD, ADHD, and my favorite, a relatively new release, ODD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Quotes from advertizement for workshop: “Symptons – Lose their temper? Argue with adults? Deliberately do things that annoy others? Blame others for their own mistakes? Are touchy or easily annoyed by others? But ODD students are not merely misbehaving, difficult young people. They are often sensitive, intelligent, capable students who need someone to help unlock their potentials.” Workshops? Diagnosis and medical management of ODD students. The underlying and sometimes unseen causes of ODD. Attitudinal Therapy techniques.”

The symptoms for these afflictions read as specifically as your daily horoscope: “Your fellow workers need your timely input today.” “Today holds many challenges for you, do your best in decision making and your future will be bright.” “To avoid explosive situations, don’t smoke around gas pumps.” What kind of diagnoses are these? Just about every kid and virtually every adult male I know could be labeled ADD, if not ADHD, but most certainly ODD at some time or other. The next one I trust we’ll see is the unabashed – LIES – Learning Isn’t Essential Syndrome, which already afflicts millions of students as well as teachers.

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-Tom Garfield
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“Virus” – n., a poison, 1. Any of a large group of tiny infective agents causing various diseases, 2. Any harmful influence

One of the tangential, but significant results of our four national A.C.C.S. conferences has been to make me painfully aware of the sorry state of Christian education in the United States. We hear from parents, teachers, administrators and board members from literally all points of the compass at these conferences.

The most recently completed conference in Raleigh, North Carolina, had more than four hundred attendees, most coming for the first time. (Not too surprising really, considering the accessibility of Moscow, Idaho, to the rest of the nation!) As at the three preceding conferences, these delegates shared with us (unsolicited) sad to awful stories about the Christian schools in their locale. One of the most common comments I’ve heard far too many times goes like this: “We would be happy to send our children to the Christian school near us, but it is little different than the public schools. Biblical convictions and worldviews are not practiced or even promoted.”

After hearing numerous accounts of Christian school problems, and seeing some firsthand, I’ve compiled just a few of the more severe illnesses often afflicting these schools:

Admission Fever: Evidenced by a low grade of student morale, and constant, chronic problems with discipline and poor attitudes among the students. Behaviors typically seen in government schools are also evident in Christian schools with this illness. Most often brought on by administrators and boards succumbing to budget pressures and admitting problem students. Can also be brought on by the lack of a restraining, definitive statement regarding admission standards, i.e. a clear picture of the kind of students desired. Some Christian schools even deny the disease by thinking they are “being a godly influence on needy kids.” TREATMENT: Immediately establish precise, consistently high standards for student acceptance, behavior, and expulsion. Follow those measures up with expelling the students that will not comply with the standards. And for the future, be ready to “just say NO” to an unhealthy application.

Verbiage Disorder: Most often evidenced by parents and staff members not being able, or possibly not knowing how to control their speech. Can produce extremely irritating rashes or outbreaks of discontent among all school members. Watch for hotbeds of talk about school or class issues that upset people, but no positive and biblical action is advocated by any of the participants. More delight seems to come from discussion than real treatment. This is sometimes excused by the fear of confrontation, or thinking that they are just “sharing concerns.” Other terms for this affliction are: Gossip, Discontentment, Lack of Submission to Authority, Spreading Strife, Loose Tongue Disease. TREATMENT: Repentance is always a good medicine for this illness (and many others), followed up by creating and adhering to prescriptive policies that allow for the biblical addressing of concerns.

Biblical Botulism: Certainly one of the most virulent diseases afflicting Christian schools. When manifested in a school, it has been known to breakdown the resistance even Christian students have to wholesale pagan thinking. Often allowed to enter under the guise of “spiritually training the students” without adequate regard to the biblically-established authorities, i.e. the family and the church. Evidenced by an abundance of “Christian” posters, stickers, banners, flags, songs, and themes, and little substantive emphasis on biblical thinking and living. This mishandling, or poor preservation of the pure gospel is readily apparent in a school when students and teachers speak and think lightly of the Lord’s Name, His Word, biblical apologetics, and consistent Christian behavior in all situations (see Admission Fever). TREATMENT:

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- Tom Garfield
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Mr. Bliponship was not happy. I figured that out pretty fast. His call came late on a gray, wet Thursday afternoon. I was in the office – unfortunately, ’cause that meant I had to take the call. But that’s my job. I wear a tie and carry a Day-Timer; I’m a P.A., a private administrator. Taking nasty calls or just sweating out long board meetings – it’s what I get paid for.

My secretary, a sweet gal with lots of front office experience behind her, buzzed me and let me know I had a hot one on the line.

“Tom, hang on to your chair, Mr. Bliponship is on line one, and he doesn’t sound happy.”

I thanked her, and my facial muscles uncontrollably twitched as I punched the blinking red light…

“Well hi there, Bob!” I blurted cheerfully. “Getting kind of damp out there, isn’t it? What can I do for you?” I really hoped I could do something for him, rather than have him do something to me.

“Garfield! Don’t give me that happy-go-lucky, you-don’t-suspect-anything’s-wrong attitude! You know what I calling about…you shot at my sister again last night. After all she puts up with each day in her job, and then you go and…and…” he couldn’t continue and sputtered incoherently in his anger.

“…and told the newspaper reporter my opinions of government schools, right?”, I finished helpfully, I hoped.

“Yeah! That’s right! She read that article in the paper last night and called me in tears. What kind of P.A. are you? Didn’t they teach you about shooting off your mouth at innocent bystanders in whatever bubblegum joint you got your license from?”

“Well, Bob, as a matter of fact, the “bubblegum joint” I got most of my administrator training from was the state university here. You know, the university that teaches future “public” school teachers? Anyhow, they didn’t train us to watch where or how we expressed our opinions. I kind of think they didn’t expect us to have any opinions worth expressing. But I am sorry your sister got hurt in the crossfire last night…”

“Oh, sure, that’s easy for you to say! What in the world did you mean by that thing you said…just a minute… yeah, here it is: “… government education in the United States is possibly that last, best holdout of socialistic training in the world. Attempts to “fix” this flawed-from-the-start system are as foolish as it would have been for the U.S. to send money and arms to the old guard Soviet Communists in 1989.” What are you saying there? You calling my sister a commie, just ’cause she teaches in the public schools!?”

The phone was getting warmer in my hand, or maybe it was just the heat emanating from it. “Whoa, Bob. I certainly wasn’t calling your sister a commie. I have relatives teaching in that system, too, and they aren’t commies either. Tell you what, let’s meet for lunch at Eric’s grill tomorrow and we can discuss this more. My treat. What do you say?”

“Well, ok. I’ll meet you there at noon. Don’t bring any backup.” Click.

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- Tom Garfield, for more on Classical Education see Tom’s book, Dear Parents: Communicating the Christian and Classical Vision to Families.
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Without doubt there was anguish. No parent with a heart of flesh could have borne their decision without much fear and trepidation. But the purpose was one with a higher calling – for most it was regarded it as “the will of God.” Therefore, though the parting was more tearful than joyful, especially for the mothers, the children went forth. The older ones, that is, those twelve years old and above, assured their parents that they would look out for the “little ones.” So, they marched off, the older ones herding the younger ones in groups of a dozen or more, their heads high, proud that their mission was one that God would undoubtedly bless. From across the entire country, hundreds of children, with their parents’ heart-rending acquiescence, responded to the call.

The mission, now a holy crusade, was indeed one fraught with great danger, but surely with God’s blessings the children would be victorious. They were marching to wrest the Holy Land from the hands and presence of the heathens. Where the adult knights had failed, these children would succeed. They would be the “salt and light” of which our Lord spoke, to the pagan peoples who had taken Jerusalem. There was no need for training with the sword or shield, no need for battle-hardened veterans; these children with full hearts and innocent eyes would conquer with soft words and gentle hands.

Actually there would be two children’s crusades, one from France and one from Germany, around 1212 AD. The children were given little, if any provisions, protection, and transportation to travel from their home lands to the far-off, mid-east countries. Not much is written about their pitiful, sorrow-filled journeys. What became of them? Did God indeed bless their sincere, but horribly misguided purpose? We do know that hundreds of those who set out never returned home. Many died of exposure, starvation, abduction, and murder. Others returned half-alive to their homes, with tales of horror. Some got as far as the Holy Land, only to become slaves of the Muslims. The “glory” of the these crusades wasn’t even a memory that could be distorted to legendary proportions in the years to come. They were best forgotten, if possible.

Someone said that “the only thing we learn from history is that we don’t learn from history.” But surely today thinking, loving parents would never knowingly send their children en mass into a situation that is so dangerous that even adults need good training and protection there. Even when presented with the glowing admonitions to consider it a “higher calling,” or being “salt and light,” parents would certainly consider carefully all aspects of any “crusade.” They would ask: Is this truly children’s work? Will my child be nourished and protected as I would want? Will my child come home to me stronger in the Lord, or will his faith be attacked and his spirit crushed by heavy-handed adults? Will he be victorious or taken captive? And most importantly: Does God, in His Word, really require this of my children?

What would have happened if all those French and German parents had examined the “call” of the crusade in the above light? At the very least their children would not have been lost, for they would not have gone. The Holy Land would have remained in the hands of the Muslims, as it did anyway, crusade or no. Let’s not indulge in more lost crusades. And let us be extremely cautious and biblically discerning, with whom and to what we entrust our precious children. “And whoever receives one such child in My Name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones to stumble, it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck, and that he be drowned in the depth of the sea.” Jesus Christ (Matthew 18:5,6)

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- Tom Garfield
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“You blind guides, you who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel.” Jesus Christ (Matthew 23:24)

Since I am going to apply a principle from the above verse in a way some may find objectionable, I desire to convince you from the start that I really did read and understand the context. Jesus uses this jibe smack dab in the middle of soundly and emphatically denouncing some of the Pharisees’ and Jewish teachers’ practices and beliefs. Put simply, our Lord was not in favor of “majoring on the minors”, when it comes to seeking a right standing before the Almighty God. Tithing from every food item was fine and even appropriate, but not at the expense of neglecting true, spiritual worship. These “blind guides” had missed the big picture!

In using the proverb of gnats and camels, Jesus was vividly illustrating the foolishness of convoluted priorities. We all recognize extreme forms of priorities out of whack: a bumper sticker I recently saw stated, “My wife, maybe my dog, but never my gun!”. ( I wondered if he still had his wife.) Even allowing a hard-core interpretation of the second amendment, most Christians would agree that the marriage covenant pulls rank even on the United States Constitution. The guy in the pickup (of course!) obviously had his priorities thoroughly confused.

Unfortunately, confused priorities also make themselves apparent in Christian education. For example, too many Christian schools take great pains to ensure their dress codes are keeping every bizarre fashion trend at bay by the application of nitpicking policies, and yet they frequently allow “Christian” teachers to gossip, teach from a humanistic worldview, and discipline in an unbiblical manner. I will never forget a so-called Christian school I visited that was a disaster almost from top to bottom. This was brought home to me in spades when the administrator told me that when she heard I was coming to look at their school, she was tempted to “put more God-words in the hallways.” Mercy! Talk about missing the big picture.

Parents also do their share of gnat-straining and camel-gulping. From my experience, it has been a consistent pattern that Christian parents will hold Christian schools and staffs to a very severe accountability in every aspect of the school’s program. This is right and good, though sometimes a bit uncomfortable. It’s not always enjoyable to be under a microscope. Nevertheless, parents have that authority and their scrutiny keeps us on our toes. Yet, parents I would have considered hard-nosed about their children’s education, based on their concerns while at Logos, suddenly become docile if their children transfer to the public sector. Even when faced with what I would consider flagrant undermining of their rights as parents, these same people seem to quietly acquiesce to the powers-that-be and too often their children suffer for it.

Christian schools, yes even Logos, have real “gnats”: problems that may frustrate parents in their desires for their children. These problems may even have camel-like proportions at times. So, if these cannot be eliminated in a constructive manner, whatever their size, the parents are totally justified in removing their children from that Christian school. Nowhere does the Bible endorse or encourage us to pretend gnats don’t bother us. However, it doesn’t follow that these parents should then take up camel-chugging by transferring their children to a totally unbiblical, God-hating school environment. Homeschooling would be at least a biblically consistent step, even if it would be difficult practically.

I pray I haven’t offended you with my application of our Lord’s principle. I also pray that more and more parents will not compromise the biblical standards God has placed before them for the education of their children. (And feel free to point out our gnats!)

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- Tom Garfield
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An advertisement I’ve once heard on the radio seems to epitomize the spirit of this age. It’s for some brand of beer and has as its theme “It doesn’t get any better than this!” What they mean by “this” is meeting your buddies at the local bar drinking lots of the named beer and eating large quantities of red meat, all the while ogling the ladies.

Not too many Christians I know would overtly subscribe to that life-style of philosophy. Yet over many years of talking with parents and students I’ve repeatedly heard variations on the following theme “I think he/she will probably do all right in the public schools.” Upon further discussion it usually turns out that “all right” means not becoming pregnant, addicted to drugs, or generally becoming a juvenile delinquent. Should a child from a Christian home survive in the public system without totally compromising his faith, he is considered a success. In other words we as parents can’t and don’t expect any more than that type of success. “It doesn’t get any better then this!”

Obviously I believe it can and should be better than merely surviving. At our 1990 Eighth Grade Promotion ceremony one of our co-valedictorians was Bekah Wilson. In her speech Bekah spent a fair amount of time speaking of her gratefulness for the creation of Logos. She ended her talk by saying “Thank you, Papa!” to her father Doug Wilson, one of the founders of Logos School. That is the kind of success that the Bible promises to parents who follow God’s guidelines for raising children.

The measure of success I’m referring to here is not just academic. There is a significant difference in the teaching and content of what we consider academic work here at Logos, but that is a topic for another time. The moral development of a child can’t be measured in the same way academic growth can be and it is the moral development of a child that will make the biggest difference in the long-term. The fact that a student got an “A” in Algebra will not have the same effect in his life that an embracing of the command to love his neighbor will. Not many people would disagree with that statement but what do we really do? Consider how much time energy thought and money goes into most Sunday School programs which make up one or two hours of a child’s week. How many Sunday School teachers would be allowed to spend that time encouraging the kid, toward an unbiblical humanistic view of the world? Not many! But what about the 30+ hours a week that same child spends in a school setting? Why should we settle for “surviving” the time there and trust that the one “two hours of formal moral training” will be sufficient for training in godliness? Even coupled with whatever time of formal training is done at home this will not come close to the amount of time at school.

The children described in Proverbs who “rise up” and praise their parents receive a thorough, consistent, round-the-clock biblical training. Anything less will be insufficient. Our children can and should be “more than conquerors” in the world. That’s not just a vision we’re seeing real conquerors here. They’re growing stronger daily under the nurturing of their parents and teachers. A far cry indeed from merely “surviving”!

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- Tom Garfield
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No doubt the pastor thought he was taking a stand for righteousness. He hadn’t been allowed a full-fledged book burning, so he had to settle for renting a conference room at a Ramada Inn. There, with great zeal in front of a number of his parishners, he literally sliced and diced some Harry Potter books. The release of the second Harry Potter movie and its huge following had inspired this pastor to make his stand. Somewhat reminiscent of Carrie Nation taking an axe to a saloon back in the good ol’ temperance movement days. Whack, whack! That will show the devil we mean business!

And we Christians wonder why our culture has a hard time taking anything we say or do seriously. If that kind of action is supposed to be salt and light, the world need have no fear of experiencing sharp tastes or having to squint their eyes when we’re around.

When I read the article about this misguided and misguiding brother, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Where do the folks in that church send their kids to school?” Certainly that’s partly due to the fact that I live, breathe, and eat Logos, but it’s still a legitimate question. If such zeal is generated from the potential influence of a book series and a movie (ok, a long movie), how much more zeal must those folks have for how their children are educated five days a week, nine months a year, for thirteen years, or so! Is their zeal for righteousness exhibited consistently and proportionately in the kind of schooling their children receive? I don’t know and my cynical nature leads me to think while their children are banned from J.K. Rawlings, they are dipped to the eyeballs in John Dewey, all in the name of being salt and light.

We Christians frequently have a profound similarity to those Pharisees whom Jesus accused of “straining at gnats and swallowing camels.” We major on the minors and minor on the majors. Such is the imbalance that comes when we lose sight of grace and try to do religious works that have the appearance of godliness.

At this time of year another form of this foamy thinking manifests itself. Much in the same way the secularists abhor the talk, sight, or sound of Christ particularly at Christmas time, we Christians, especially in Christian schools, frequently vilify Santa Claus, as though he were the Saddam Hussein of celebrating Christmas. Sadly, many Christian high school grads don’t know the biblical reasons why Karl Marx’s ideas were so evil or how to logically refute the claims of Darwinism, but they sure know that Santa is anathema. And that often goes for almost anything else that has to do with fantasy and the realm of imagination. Both the secularists and these brothers share a similarity to Scrooge and the Grinch when it comes to truly celebrating our Lord’s advent.

Jesus Christ, in words and actions, showed us who the real “bad guys” are: they aren’t the prostitutes, tax collectors, fantasy writers, or mythical figures. They aren’t even the political tyrants (Jesus certainly knew what the emperor was up to). No, He took off the gloves when it came to thumping the religious hypocrites, the priests (pastors) who were misusing their role as God-appointed shepherds of His people. He gave what-for to the lawyers and teachers who were lying to and cheating the people who trusted their counsel. Who are those people today? I mentioned a few above, you can probably fill in the blanks otherwise.

As we reflect (which Christmas should always cause us to do) on the incredible fact of Immanuel, may more Christians see our culture, their children, and their churches, the way Christ would have us see. May we know where the battle for righteousness really takes place and be more effective warriors there, not somewhere else. May we identify the real “bad guys” who would seduce us, lie to us, and rob us of our legacy – our children and their faith.

Have a blessed and uplifting Christmas celebration – read lots of great books, sing great songs, eat a lot of great food and worship our great God!

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-Tom Garfield
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Over the years I’ve been involved in Christian education, I’ve had the opportunity to talk with many individuals and groups. It’s always surprising to me when otherwise intelligent, informed people have solemnly repeated common misconceptions about Christian education that have no basis in fact. Yet, because it is easier to adopt someone else’s views than research the truth ourselves, the myths continue.

Let me repeat a few I regularly hear:

1. Christian schools have good discipline because good children go there. Following this logic, people are restored to health in hospitals because hospitals only admit patients who are already recovering. This myth assumes that the treatment, i.e. applied biblical discipline, in the Christian school has little to do with the resulting good behavior. As every parent knows that is absurd. Children are sinners; only through God’s grace and years of consistent, biblical training will children’s hearts and actions be changed for the better.

2. Christian schools have good academic results/scores because they only admit very intelligent students. Sounds like a variation on the theme above, doesn’t it? It is. Like the applied discipline above, it assumes that the time-tested (and in our case, the classical) teaching methods play no part in how well the students do academically, regardless of where they come from. Nevertheless, I hear this very often, especially from public school teachers and administrators. There is an a ironic twist to this myth. When Christian schools or Christian home schools do have academic problems, the same people accuse the involved teachers or a parents of incompetence. Any stick is good enough, it seems.

3. Christian education keeps Christian students from being “salt and light” in the public schools. I hear this most often from Christian parents of elementary-age students. Unfortunately, at the junior and senior high level, I hear Christian parents saying something different. At that point, the parents will often settle for their kids “surviving”. That means graduating without becoming a drug addict or pregnant or otherwise being seriously damaged by the system. Nowhere in all of Scripture are we, as parents, commanded or even encouraged to send our little ones out to be “missionaries” in an overwhelmingly evil environment. In fact, just the opposite is true; from Genesis to Ephesians we are commanded to train our children up in the Lord and His word . I’ve seen children at Logos who are real missionaries for Christ to their unsaved fellow students. The difference is that here those young missionaries are supported and taught by adults who share the same Lord. We may even train and nurture future, mature adult missionaries.

4. Christian education shields children from the raw, ugly facts of our society. Whoops. That isn’t a myth; it’s true. That is, we do shield, but we don’t lie. The children do learn the truth, both the ugly and the beautiful facts, as seen from God’s viewpoint and with His solution.

Thank you for examining these myths with me. I encourage and welcome your comments at any time, especially if you think I mythed the point.

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- Tom Garfield
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This was going to be great! I could hardly wait. I had made sure I was safely situated, well beyond the range of the shrapnel. The flames were starting to rise above the top of the barrel… any second now…

For context, as a young, healthy preteen, I was given the task of gathering all combustible trash in our home and burning it in the fifty-gallon drum my dad had placed behind our woodpile. Our home in Ann Arbor, Michigan, was built outside the city limits, in a lovely wooded area. That meant, among other things, that we had no city services, hence my task. Since I was a semi-normal boy, I was obligated to grumble about any assigned task. However, I secretly loved this job. Being a closet pyromaniac, I had added a nifty twist to the mundane burning of boxes and bags. While ostensibly garnering all the trash in the house, I covertly sought out empty or almost empty aerosol cans (this was pre-ozone “hole” days). I had been tipped to their unique possibilities for excitement by the warning label – “Combustible contents: Do not place near heat source” -
So, buried deep within almost every pile of trash I set a match to, there was a little time bomb. And, as I anticipated with beating heart, this fire should produce the same spectacular results I had achieved every other time. I could see it in my mind’s eye already – the wonderful sound, WHOOOMP!, and then the flames leaping a dozen feet in the air. Sometimes the aerosol can itself flew as high as the lowest trees. That was a neat bonus.

Any moment now…just then out of the corner of my eye I saw my father emerge from the back door with another bag of trash in his hand. He was walking toward the FIRE BARREL! Moral quandary time: Do I warn my father, indicting myself instantly on the federal crime of being an idiot about fire, or do I keep quiet and allow my father to be blown up, just to protect my reputation? Seconds mattered… “Dad! Wait! Don’t put that in just yet!”

He stopped and came back toward me. “Why not, Tom?”

“Well, I don’t thin…”

WHOOOOMP! Whoooshhh! Zinnnnnnnng! It was the best yet, I thought even while simultaneously realizing it was the last time I would be able to witness such a marvelous spectacle.

Throughout the land these days is the cry for moral, and possibly even religious training to become part of the government schools’ curriculum. Recently, I was invited by the local district’s superintendent to be present at a meeting of public school and religious leaders, to discuss that very issue. There was the predictable hand-wringing talk about the degenerate state of our youth. It was as hopeless as it was sincere. Their answer? “We need more programs!” We have come almost full circle from the early sixties when we (in the form of the U.S. Supreme Court) capped a century of humanistic rebellion by openly removing Bibles and prayer from the government schools. Now seeing that, gee whiz, kids really do need some specific moral guidance vs. morally “neutral” education, we wonder if there might be another open door to the ark. We’re getting really wet out here.

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